Daily Spice

How could you call me self-centred when I worry about how easily others can manipulate you;

Sweet words and songs of praises are all it takes to get you nodding;

Trusting the very hawks that have been circling, waiting to swoop in for the kill.

How could you call me aloof when we’ve never bared our souls to each other;

Never really made hugs and kisses a familiar routine;

Never letting me explain my hopes and dreams before making a judgement.

How could you call me heartless when I cry for a pet that was my true companion;

Trivialising my sorrow;

Dismissing the pain I’m feeling from having lost the bundle of joy who gave me unconditional love.

How could you call me insufferable when all you do is talk behind my back;  

Griping about my faults for all and sundry to hear;

Not acknowledging the good that I’ve done.

You could call me all that and more, I’ve realised

Simply because you’ve never known me

Betrayed and hurt;

It’s time to walk away.

Is loneliness a disease? The constant feeling of emptiness, a vacuum in the heart that only melancholy lingers in, the yearning of companionship that prevails even when you’re in boisterous company. Is this loneliness? If it is, what’s the prescription, doc?  

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I’ve been thinking about food a lot. More than usual. It’s not like Brunei is short of eating places/restaurants. So far, the food that I’ve sampled here is “not bad”. Singaporean-speak, “not bad” usually means “average”, “you’re not missing anything”, “I’ll pass”, “can be better” – you get the drift.

I was craving for Nyonya laksa – the Katong kind, very “lemak” with lots of cockles. Well, I ordered a bowl of laksa at one of the restaurants here. I was assaulted by the pungent aroma of the dish (which I deduced came from “buah keluak”). The noodles that were used were not even the “mee laksa” variety. It was more like “bee hoon”. Apparently this is the Sarawakian laksa. I had a few mouthfuls and pushed the bowl aside. I had to order something else which was more palatable. I’m sure it’s a matter of acquired taste… 

I didn’t learn my lesson and ordered laksa at another restaurant. My colleague assured me that the laksa there was the Singapore-style one, emphasising that it will not be the pungent kind that I tried the first time round. Looking forward to finally satiating my craving for laksa, I confidently ordered a bowl. It looked like Singapore-style laksa but that was where the similarity ended.  Suffice to say, I will not order laksa in Brunei ever again.

If there’s one thing that I really miss about Singapore, it’s definitely the food. I’m now thinking about chicken rice (steamed chicken, at Banquet Causeway Point), cheese prata with fish curry (at Al-Ameen, Jalan Remaja), mee soto (anywhere), barbecued chicken wings (at Lau Pa Sat)…. I know I’m only torturing myself by thinking about all the food that I can’t have here!   

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It’s irrational. Utterly embarrassing. And extremely frustrating. I’m talking about my phobia of lizards. As a child I was afraid of all kinds of creepy crawlies but more so the house lizard. I guess the phobia has grown and stuck to me since. I can’t explain it. I do remember though one incident that sealed this deep hatred and fear that I have of lizards.

I was lying on the floor in my room, enjoying the cool comfort of the bare marble flooring. A baby lizard decided to run across my body, thinking perhaps that I was another piece of furniture and an obstacle in its path. Shriek! That was when I decided that lizards are my worst enemies. I was perhaps nine at the time.

Now, I see and hear them everywhere in my new apartment. Big and small, brown and some almost-black ones taunt me everyday, making me hysterical and somewhat loony. I can’t help it. Every time I see a lizard, I try to brace myself and ignore it but it just will not go away. I think they can smell my fear and actually enjoy terrorising me.

Last night I saw a little one in my bedroom. I ran for the Shieldtox and got a broom (I thought I would be brave enough to kill it armed with proper weapons). After a lot of screaming (on my part) and running around (both me and the lizard), I gave up and dialled my neighbour’s number. He rushed over, poked around for a bit and finally caught it. With his bare hands. He’s my new hero. Thanks John.      

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Things have been slowly picking up. The apartment is now looking nicer thanks to the two aunts who responded to my distress calls and sms-es. They came armed with all the necessities including a good supply of pest control products. We went shopping yesterday to get some essential items – like a TV and DVD player, among other stuff. 

The disgusting flying roaches (huge ones) and pesky lizards have suddenly decided to stop taunting me. They are probably going to rear their fugly faces again once the aunts leave. I tell you, these pests must get a kick out of seeing me jump and scream every time I see them. Cruel.

I’m actually liking it here. I’ve not had a migraine for more than two weeks now (which is extremely unusual) and am no longer suffering from the misery of sinusitis. Right before I left Singapore, the doctor diagnosed me with suffering from chronic sinusitis. For now, no continuous sneezes, no blocked nose, no aches and pains. I can breathe easy.     

So, upon the insistence of some friends, I've finally decided to have my very own blog. Yes, I know the bandwagon is already way down the road, but I hope to jump on it somehow. 

Why didn't I do this earlier? Hmm... let's just say that I'm a very private person and sharing my thoughts with the whole world (well, not quite, since I don't think the whole world will be reading this) is not exactly my cup of tea, and I'm what you'd call a technology-challenged person.

The fact that I'm now away from family and friends is a good enough reason for me to do this, I guess. This way, you will know that I'm still alive and kicking. Don't panic though if you don't see regular updates because I can't promise that I'll be able to sustain my interest in blogging (as some of you know, I have a short attention span). We'll see...

p.s. I still can't figure out the many features of this blog...

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